we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
