I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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