Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
