he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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