How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize