1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
