You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In America we eat man semen.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
