just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
