so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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