you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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