ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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