id be glad to
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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