YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
