mondays should just be called national damage control day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
