based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
