there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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