I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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