I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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