someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
