I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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