i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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