I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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