Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
