It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
