I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me they were just razor bumps!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
