dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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