Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
