I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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