Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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