Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
