I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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