Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
