I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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