ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
