I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
