Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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