I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
