What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
