Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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