she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
