Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
