I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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