I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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