How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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