So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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