If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
