2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
