If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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