dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everyone says I win the strip club
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
