You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
