i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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