Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
