Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
