I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
