So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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