True but thats because hes a fetus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
