not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
