dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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