In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
