Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
