that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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