I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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