she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
